I lived
50.. 60..70..and in few seconds it has got to 120. In a prime road like this all that I have got is my bike taking me with it making me feel heaven. I was thinking all that happened in my life.. All those beautiful moments and sickening ones. And I was happy as I was able to take life as it came without worrying about it. I felt a very happy music playing in my ears. I felt like I have finally got the right urge of living life. And. One small inner voice. Voice from somewhere deep in my mind told something. Told that am gonna die here. Right here in this road. The instinct was so clear that I actually made myself ready to embrace the death itself..
Ok. Where does this story start from. Where will my story lead to. I had different ideas of my life leading to. I thought it will finally lead to somewhere so meaningful. Why does it have to end this way. Why. All my whys remained unanswered. And all I can tell now is how I took life so far.
Life was one hellish travel. Or atleast I conditioned it that way. I had all these thoughts put up into my mind right since my childhood that made me believe I wasn't capable enough to have this life in a better way. All those little impulses of me not so good enough only made me not to be competent with the flow. I took life as it came. And taking life as it came means neither I tried making changes nor did have one soulful purpose and go with it.
I was this typical irresponsible whack job screwing up all the things that I had, that I got. But back then whatever I did was something that I defined as right. I never care about things that I had. I bitched people, career and all I thought was I was heading somewhere that's gonna be very purposeful. I had all this satifcation about it without even knowing if I actually was satisfied from heart.
10 minutes ago, I took this bike with my mind under total control. It felt like I was gonna experience the most enthralling experience of life. Suddenly it all made meaning. The realisation that no matter how badly I try controlling things, all that will be left at the end is whatever that we are intended to get. For a moment I threw away all those little emotional baggages, worries that dwelled in past. I completely accepted them and I completely broke self. The self image of myself that had so much of negative impact owing to it.. At one time I was all dead inside, throwing all my negative ideas of life, of self. In one moment I had enough self confidence to start off this.. To rebuild myself. Redefined all my rights and wrongs. I suddenly started seeing all my screw ups in my life a way to improve self. Some tool to rely upon for engineering self..
Now I felt like I have got control over self.. My emotions. I could see a scarier yet a path that's full of scopes for self relishing. I started seeing pain in a better way.. I made use of pain to rebuild self.. It all takes one intriguing moment to be reborn. I completely buried up whatever I had and fed it with whatever I think as right now
And in the road, I felt heavenly to finally feel zero guilt or regret. All I thought for the moment is to live it through.
A lorry driver had no idea what I went through my mind in the course of time. He never knew what kind of image I have got about this life and how badly I want to live. And there in the thought process of controlling my life I forgot my bike completely. And I was dying stuck under the lorry tyre. I completely struggled with pain physically. For one moment I again struggled with life. Only this time it's was a different kind of struggle. For once again I wanted to survive life. All this time I merely survived the very process of life and when I finally understood that surviving ain't a good choice, rather the actual "living" is, I was forced to survive again.. Through this. When I was all set to live I am dying. I went through invariable pain. Suddenly when things are all right and made sense.. Suddenly when I decided to take control of my thought process I couldn't control fate. But then when I physically underwent pain inching step by step to scrutinating death I was this euphoric kid inside. Who totally had the satisfaction. I felt blissful in mind with no regrets and felt happy that I finally tried living. No matter if I cannot anymore. I thought of all the people that I loved.. Quick images of them.. Thanked them for whatever they have contributed to me being here. Through this few last hours of my life I lived. I completely lived and I gave away only the strengthened and updated mind and soul with an unbearable physical pain..
------*Shravan*-----
Ok. Where does this story start from. Where will my story lead to. I had different ideas of my life leading to. I thought it will finally lead to somewhere so meaningful. Why does it have to end this way. Why. All my whys remained unanswered. And all I can tell now is how I took life so far.
Life was one hellish travel. Or atleast I conditioned it that way. I had all these thoughts put up into my mind right since my childhood that made me believe I wasn't capable enough to have this life in a better way. All those little impulses of me not so good enough only made me not to be competent with the flow. I took life as it came. And taking life as it came means neither I tried making changes nor did have one soulful purpose and go with it.
I was this typical irresponsible whack job screwing up all the things that I had, that I got. But back then whatever I did was something that I defined as right. I never care about things that I had. I bitched people, career and all I thought was I was heading somewhere that's gonna be very purposeful. I had all this satifcation about it without even knowing if I actually was satisfied from heart.
10 minutes ago, I took this bike with my mind under total control. It felt like I was gonna experience the most enthralling experience of life. Suddenly it all made meaning. The realisation that no matter how badly I try controlling things, all that will be left at the end is whatever that we are intended to get. For a moment I threw away all those little emotional baggages, worries that dwelled in past. I completely accepted them and I completely broke self. The self image of myself that had so much of negative impact owing to it.. At one time I was all dead inside, throwing all my negative ideas of life, of self. In one moment I had enough self confidence to start off this.. To rebuild myself. Redefined all my rights and wrongs. I suddenly started seeing all my screw ups in my life a way to improve self. Some tool to rely upon for engineering self..
Now I felt like I have got control over self.. My emotions. I could see a scarier yet a path that's full of scopes for self relishing. I started seeing pain in a better way.. I made use of pain to rebuild self.. It all takes one intriguing moment to be reborn. I completely buried up whatever I had and fed it with whatever I think as right now
And in the road, I felt heavenly to finally feel zero guilt or regret. All I thought for the moment is to live it through.
A lorry driver had no idea what I went through my mind in the course of time. He never knew what kind of image I have got about this life and how badly I want to live. And there in the thought process of controlling my life I forgot my bike completely. And I was dying stuck under the lorry tyre. I completely struggled with pain physically. For one moment I again struggled with life. Only this time it's was a different kind of struggle. For once again I wanted to survive life. All this time I merely survived the very process of life and when I finally understood that surviving ain't a good choice, rather the actual "living" is, I was forced to survive again.. Through this. When I was all set to live I am dying. I went through invariable pain. Suddenly when things are all right and made sense.. Suddenly when I decided to take control of my thought process I couldn't control fate. But then when I physically underwent pain inching step by step to scrutinating death I was this euphoric kid inside. Who totally had the satisfaction. I felt blissful in mind with no regrets and felt happy that I finally tried living. No matter if I cannot anymore. I thought of all the people that I loved.. Quick images of them.. Thanked them for whatever they have contributed to me being here. Through this few last hours of my life I lived. I completely lived and I gave away only the strengthened and updated mind and soul with an unbearable physical pain..
------*Shravan*-----
Beautiful :')
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